Demola and Temmy’s neighbourhood Aunt: Touching lines from UK-based blind Nigerian
PanNigerianNews
5 min read
By Demola Adeleke
There was this aunty who didn’t want me for Temmy. Her reasons were many, but the main one was because I’m a blind motherfucking bastard!
She insisted Temmy was making a mistake for dating me. Then she’d make reference to my financial status, calling me a public school teacher with meagre salary.
Taunting my girlfriend, she’d ask her: “what kind of life do you think you’ll have in a marriage with a blind public school teacher?”
In my defence, Temmy would explain to her that I intended to start a side hustle to supplement my income, but aunty wouldn’t have any of it. Her life’s goal was to get Temmy to dump my sorry ass and date a ‘proper man.’
When all her efforts weren’t yielding the intended result, she resorted to reminding Temmy that I’m blind and she should be feeling ashamed to go out with me.
Iyen emi na? Fine, sexy boy like me o. Tall, dark, and brutally handsome. Me wey girls dey meet for road dey say: ‘if this one no be my husband, at least make he be my sidecock.’
The aunty rubbish me no be small. I, however, was not fazed. In fact, I never reassured Temmy, neither did I dispel all the things the aunty was saying.
I was of the opinion that no matter what I say or do, the decision was for Temmy to make. I knew there would be more of such talks as our relationship progressed, and I honestly wasn’t cut out for reassuring anybody each time that happened. Besides, Temmy was a committed girlfriend who saw beyond my blindness. She must have seen beyond my inferior pocket too because never did she pressurise me to meet her needs. I’d give only if I had, and that was it.
I got to know all the things aunty said through my girlfriend, and we’d both burst out laughing whenever I made jokes out of it.
What both aunty and Temmy didn’t know is that my process of relocating to England was 80% complete. So, although I couldn’t do anything about my blindness, I was doing something to improve my quality of life, so the aunty’s opinion of me wasn’t sticking at all.
Then came this faithful day. I had travelled to Abeokuta for a friend’s birthday, and returning to Ibadan, my girlfriend suggested that I come to her place instead of going to mine.
As a romantic guy na, na so I diverted to Temmy’s place o, with the hope that I’d collect one, or even two, before leaving for my house the next day.
What I didn’t know is that aunty was in Temmy’s place. She had come visiting and Temmy, knowing I wouldn’t have agreed to her request if I knew aunty was there, decided to blindside me, and it worked.
It was when girlfriend opened the gate for me and a baby squealed on her shoulder that I suspected something was amiss. Confused, I asked her who the baby was for and she said it was aunty’s.
There was no turning back anyway, so like a brave soldier, I followed girlfriend to her apartment and finally met the aunty face to face.
She greeted me warmly and I reciprocated. I sat on the couch, and prolly to foster camaraderie between me and aunty, Temmy placed aunty’s baby in my lap and encouraged me to play with him.
I did as I was told. Baby was barely a year and active. After playing with him for a while, he crawled to my side on the couch and sat there.
I checked to see if he was properly sat, and upon confirming, I brought out my phone and started replying to an email.
The couch was wide and spacious, so I was quite surprised to hear something drop from the low couch to the floor. The something, however, was aunty’s baby, and it was until his cry filled the room that I realised what just happened.
Apparently the baby had surged forward while I was busy on my phone. Thankfully though, the floor was carpeted with thick rug and thus cushioned his fall. That didn’t stop him from wailing like he was having his intestine ripped out though.
Girlfriend already picked up the baby and was soothing him. I didn’t know what I was expected to be doing but I found myself narrating how I was busy on my phone and didn’t realise he’d go that far to the edge of the couch.
I was generally unbothered, honestly. No matter how watchful you are, babies, especially ambulatory ones, always find a way to fall. It’s part of their growing process, I guess.
Aunty and her baby was ready to leave, and dipping hand into my pocket, I handed the boy a thousand naira note for biscuit. Temmy accompanied aunty and her baby out of the house and I resumed to my email.
When Temmy returned, however, I knew something was wrong. She was seething with anger and I could feel the energy right where I sat. Took some coaxing before I could get her to talk.
Turned out that the baby falling right beside me was me giving credence to aunty’s opinion of me as an unfit partner. She blamed me for everything, cancelled me as a human, and seriously warned girlfriend against continuing the relationship with me.
In her words; “is that the person you want to marry? Someone that couldn’t perform the most basic task of preventing a baby from falling.”
Girlfriend, as always, attempted defending me by reminding her of the various times the baby had fallen while with either of them, but aunty’s opinion of me was already formed and there was no changing it.
Again, that incident didn’t do shit to our relationship. I got married to Temmy few months later and we both relocated to England. Aunty was blindsided as she didn’t see that coming.
Sometime ago, aunty had a new baby. She dropped her account details for Temmy to send some funds for the newborn and my wife scoffed. Still disgusted, she intended to send a little amount but I weighed in. I persuaded her to send a significant amount and she reluctantly did. Aunty couldn’t believe her luck and started praying like Eegun Atipako.
If only she knew the one-time condemned boyfriend was the one who advocated for her to get such a large sum from Temmy. I honestly just felt there was no point in me being vindictive. I don outgrow all that.
Sha, you see that 1k wey I give her baby, if I no collect am back in this life, I will in the afterlife.
…Adeleke lives in the United Kingdom.
